I miss my son. Whenever the weather is gorgeous like this, I look forward to visiting Ethan at the cemetery even more. I visit him every day, rain or shine, but the moment is even more special when I'm not shivering. I love sitting on a blanket and simply talking to my son.
The cemetery is a beautiful place this time of year. There are flowers everywhere. Spring also brings the ground to life and I've been watching daisies slowly carpet his plot. The grass is starting to heal alongside with my heart. Although, I must say the grass is making much better progress mending itself together.
My heart on the other hand, is a different story.
On days like this, I miss Ethan the most. Beautiful, get-out-of-the-house days are rare. I planned on taking a trip to the park when Ethan got a little older. Taking pictures is my "thing" and I couldn't wait to take a million shots of my three boys playing at the park.
I would have made PB&J sandwiches and brought a blanket to spread out on the grass. I envisioned Ethan squinting his newborn eyes at me as I shielded him from the sun. I imagined that I would tickle his toes with a blade of grass just like I did when the boys were small. He probably would have cooed with delight just like Kevin and Anthony did. I can still visualize this moment, but this moment will never happen.
I never thought his first experience with grass would be at the cemetery.
God, this hurts.
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