Mother’s Day...

Mother's Day is tomorrow and I have work. (Well…at least only until 3pm anyway.)

I suppose Mother's Day isn't going to be too bad. Of course it could have been a billion times better if Ethan was still here but, I work with what God has given me.
After work I plan on spending some time with the boys at the cemetery.

I was terrified of the cemetery as a child and I'm glad the boys aren't afraid. Holy Cross has become somewhat of a refuge for our little family. The kids play as if we were at a park and that's fine by me. I don't ever want them to feel sadness over losing their little brother. John and I plan on making Ethan a part of our lives always. After "family time" at the cemetery, John and I are heading off to the Arco Arena to watch Alicia Keys. Most of you already know why, but I'm pretty sure we're going to bawl like babies once she starts performing.

I've been especially weepy these past few days. Our very good friends had their second child two weeks ago and we went to visit them yesterday. I hadn't seen their little girl yet and I thought I was ready to be around a newborn again. John already saw her and he was fine. I figured I would be okay too. Then again, he is a guy so he's had years of training in his ability to hold back his emotions. After holding her for about 30 seconds I started to feel my eyes burn. I fought desperately to hold back my tears and quickly gave her back to her Mommy.

That new baby smell gets me all the time. She was beautiful and holding her made me miss my son terribly. I forgot what it felt like to hold a baby and I felt horrible.

Shouldn't these memories still be fresh in my head?

Before we buried Ethan I spent most of my time next to his casket. I wanted to absorb every single thing about him.

Has time erased the small details already?

I hope not and I refuse to let it happen. I think this means it's time for me to watch our home videos again.