Today marks the one year anniversary of Ethan's passing. In the past year I've learned lot about myself and the strength of my faith in God. I've dreaded and welcomed this day. Although I want to "close" the "grieving chapter" of my life, I didn't want to stop feeling sad. Having Niki has not taken away the pain of losing Ethan and it's hard for me to "let go". I am slowly forcing myself to "find closure" because I know Ethan would have wanted it that way. But...
I still miss him EVERY DAY.
I still wish he could be with us EVERY DAY.
And EVERY DAY my heart hurts for what wasn't meant to be.
However, it is time for me to stop feeling sad about "my loss" and start looking for happiness in the time I did have with him, "my gain". I am fortunate for the lessons Ethan has taught me. I am fortunate that God blessed me with Ethan even though he was only on loan. My "borrowed angel" served his purpose in the week he was on this earth. He educated medical professionals, strengthened my bond with John, brang me closer to my God, taught his brothers about compassion, helped his sister live, and inspired soooo many people to save lives.
My baby has made a bigger difference in one week than some do in an entire lifetime. John and I are so blessed that Ethan was chosen to be son and I wouldn't wish to have it any other way. The past year has been a rollercoaster of emotion, but it was a rollercoaster worth riding. God loved me enough to teach me valuable life lessons at an early age. I miss Ethan. I will always miss him. But...I am so BLESSED for having him. I realize this and I'm okay with it.
I thank God everyday for everything He has given and taken away.
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