Milestones...

I loathe witnessing life's milestones.

I admit it's very dark of me to be secretly gloomy at happy events, but I can't help it. I hide it very well…or at least I think I do. Each moment I witness makes me think of Ethan and the milestones that are buried deep in the ground with him. I've been close to tears at recent special events. My baby will never get to do such things.

As his mother, I expected to witness his first steps, first smile, birthdays, graduations, and wedding day. Moments that were never meant to be...

All I can do is daydream now. Sometimes I look at Kev & Boo's faces and wonder who Ethan would have looked like when he was three or five. I stare at John's face and try to visualize what Ethan would have looked like as a grown man. What kind of man was my son going to be?


I guess I'll never know…